The Hidden Strengths of a Leader
How secure leaders show strength
I’ve had to do a fair bit of reflection on strength and what it means, how it shows itself both on the inside and how it looks to others on the outside. Because there are as many shades to strength as there are colours in the light spectrum, it, like most things, is difficult to articulate. So I’m focusing on the quiet, hidden strengths that are essential to effective leadership. In my humble opinion.
In many of the Junior Managers (and many Senior Managers) I’ve worked alongside and mentored over the years, it’s unsettlingly clear that most see leadership and management as being the ‘boss’. As the boss, they believe, everyone just has to do what they say, and everything will be right. If something goes wrong, then they pick and search for a way to identify somewhere in that chain of failure where someone didn’t do what they told them to do, and the fragile balance of egocentric management survives to see another day. Nothing could be further from the truth, nothing.
As always, there are commonly exceptions to these mini points below. There will always be the odd team member who refuses to fit in, puts their own agenda before the good of all. Refuses to be constructive and sometimes just doesn’t care. If this is more than just a bad day, then those individuals need to be either worked with closely to find out why and possibly offered personal assistance, or simply removed and sent off to fully discover their own destiny elsewhere. Continually trying to work with a destructive team member will more often bring feelings of discontent and disharmony. One person can destroy the effectiveness of an entire team.
The true strength of a leader is rarely on display. It doesn’t emblazon itself on the front of their shirt or sit like a shiny pin on their lapel. It sits inside as a quiet knowing, not of an all-encompassing wisdom or knowledge of all things. But as a confidence that comes with knowing that no matter what happens, there is a way through it. It comes from recognising that they don’t know everything but they have used their intuition to sort through the many options and opinions available to them, and have made clear decisions on a way forward using the information available to them at that time. There could be a million variables lined up in quick succession just waiting to bombard your operation and test your resolve. But when dealt with as they arise with further, adapted, considered, firm decisions, the ship sails on.
A leader is human, very very human, and while there may be this super ideal kind of human somewhere in the world that doesn’t have a breaking point, I haven’t met them yet. There is always a limit and it’s hard to admit. Being honest about that limit is important. Knowing how to prioritise situations as they arise helps manage that limit and keep you below the breaking point. A big upside to being able to say “No”. Being unapologetic when you have to ‘clear the table’ every once in a while. Frazzled decisions made in the heat of the moment with little to no thought are dangerous.
Compassion and empathy is one of the hidden strengths of a leader. It’s easy to say but hard to exercise. To be compassionate and empathetic requires emotional intelligence and the ability to quickly feel how other people are feeling by putting yourself in their shoes, letting them know you can see and feel it, giving it some time in the sun, but then not allowing it to fester and throw the balance off. Empathy doesn’t steer the ship; it is your eyes and ears in the field.
Humility, quiet and heavily misunderstood but inexhaustively powerful. It can so often be perceived as weakness, but it in fact the litmus paper for strength’s presence. Humility in full view as a trait commands respect from those in it’s presence. The admission of shortcomings and the openness to constructive criticism creates a space of honesty that can only come from deep confidence and strength. It throws the door open to utilising the full capacity of the team you are leading because it encourages your team to speak up. When your team knows it isn’t going to be ridiculed or shut down for saying something a bit far out, you get all the options and ‘out of the box’ ideas that are often born from a new, uneducated and simplistic perspectives. If you don’t propagate uninhibited ideas being shared, then you only get the middle of the road solutions and the ‘safe bets’ and there are many occasions when problem solving that these standard solutions just don’t fit. If you immediately admit mistakes and openly show you take responsibility for them, you create a team that is more bold. This also encourages the team ownership of the results, both good and bad, which in turn leads to more determined efforts and more dedicated team investment.
Leading a team should for the most part be a series of minor adjustments rather than massive pivots. The fastest way to throw a team off it’s course is to be constantly shifting and changing the course and the goal posts. Of course, there are times to radically alter course but those moves must be carefully thought out and planned. There is often a call for big brain storming sessions where a future course is re set but these need to be purposeful and concluded before implementation. For the most part it’s about keeping inside the team’s workings, listening, and making minor suggestions and decisions. It is for this reason that most great leaders are not the big showy ones and if this is done effectively, the team can hardly recognise your influence. Be the facilitator and the servant and provide the space for greatness without aiming to ‘be’ the greatness.
Genuine Care. If you’re on board and actually care about the people on your team, they will feel it. Then they are more likely to care too. They will be more likely to be open about issues affecting them. They are more likely to feel safe enough to ask ‘stupid’ questions. These ‘stupid’ questions, left unasked, are a disaster waiting to happen. How are you going to strengthen your team’s weak points if they feel too unsafe to share them? You’ll find out by actual output flaws and by then it’s too late.
Be the Parent. For those parents reading this, you already know, but my reference to parenting here is not to dominance, but to the good, bad and ugly nature of leadership. The things you hear about! OMG! Bowel movements, eating disorders, relationships, gripes and complaints. You settle quarrels, adjudicate disputes, coordinate meals, facilitate compromises and sometimes go from the Bridge of the ship to clear a toilet because the buck stops with you. You drive the car and you clean up the vomit. If you think Leadership is glamourous, think again, and buy gloves, like, the long ones that go up to the elbows! “If you’re too proud to serve, you’re not fit to lead.” (Quote from Norm Bartie on Facebook, google him, he’s a top dude doing great things for traumatised children).
If you’re leading properly, your influence will hardly be noticeable, until you step away and are replaced by a poor leader. The idea is that you should be able to take a day off and not have everything fall apart. If you are the cogs driving the gears, you’re doing it wrong. Be the grease that prevents premature wear and burnout. If you are so central to everything that nothing happens without your involvement, you don’t have time to look at your operation objectively. You won’t have time to look from the sides, above and from a distance. You’ll find your team is stifled by your output ability. It might make you feel important and satiate your insecurities by having everyone ‘need’ you so badly, but it shows a lack of genuine confidence. You’re micromanaging is preventing your machine from using it’s engine to it’s full capacity. Don’t be the restriction in the fuel line, be the fuel filter that removes the crud and improves flow. Unfortunately, this takes emotional maturity and self confidence and comes from life, not a textbook. You have to let go to hold on.
Lead On and be bold enough to take a quiet seat at your own table and really listen, you’ll find the answers. They’re always there.
